NEVER MINE

                                                                   NEVER MINE

How do i say goodbye to someone i never really had??? Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine??? Why is it i miss someone i was never really with??? And why do i love someone whose love was never really mine??? 

IF I AM GRANTED A WISH

If I am granted a wish, I would wish to bring back my dad to this beautiful world. I did walk right up to heaven and bring you back home dad. I wanted you to watch us grow but of no choice, you left us, all alone in this world. Our life has not been the same without you. I wish to sit with you and share the hard times that I went through. I have lot more to share with you dad. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.

                                                                                                                                                                                           

I miss you the most when something is troubling me because you are the one whom I want to share my pain with and you will be the one who will understand me. You mean a lot to me dad. I never knew it would be this hard without you. I know million tears won’t bring you back. All I can do it just sit and weep. 

I STILL WANT TO SAY HI AND KNOW HOW YOU ARE

We met online, had a good time, chatted again and became good friends. Do you ever recall the first day we met? The day we became friends? I do and I will always remember that very day I knew and will remember for the days to come.  The times we had together still lives fresh deep in my heart. It is good to reflect and remember the good times we had together.

You said, you love me and i loved you too. I loved you, not your face, I loved you, not your post, I loved you, not your wealth. I loved your <3HEART<3. There wasn't a day went by without missing you and without thinking about you. Trusted you and loved you with all my heart.  Came to a situation where I couldn't skip a day without keeping in touch with you. Never imagined that one day you would find a reason to leave me. Never knew you would be so harsh towards my feelings. Your decision shattered me, made me go numb, felt the emptiness around me, broke my heart into pieces and still didn't believe it. When i came back to sense, countless tears rolled down my check.

What about the promise you made? The promise you made is still fresh in my mind. “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU” You shouldn’t make any promises if you can’t keep it. I always thought promises must never be broken. May be some promises are meant to be broken, to let us learn not to trust anyone again. May be i am not fortunate to have you in my life, indeed i am not blessed to be with you. Even the emotional songs made me weep over again and again as though the lyrics were written just for me. 

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then you would realize how much you are loved and how much you are missed every single day. You will know how much your silence hurts.  It’s more painful than the harsh words spoken.

You found a reason to ignore me indeed you never felt my love. I don’t have resentment or hatred towards you. You are probably the one of the best things that happened to me in my life. Thank you for coming in my life and leaving your footprints on my heart. All I am left are the memories and a heart around your name. Hope there may be a day you realize how true my love was.

This is a sort of fate I call;

When at a distance and unseen, in love of friendship we fall

From nowhere we are being caught each other;

And still it’s the fate it would bring us together

So I say, if you and I walk hand in hand;

The road along which we walk will never end

If it is for the love that we cry;

The tears in our eyes will never dry

Countless obstacles we may face;

Together, we’ll clear it with god’s grace

Hand on each other’s shoulder we shall catch;

And our happiness we shall let others watch

In each other’s arm we shall hold;

And prove in friendship we are bold

We shall fly with the wings of dove;

Keeping faith in each other’s love

So no matter for which race we belong;

We shall sing together our friendship song

No matter for any reason let other say;

Fruitful and interesting shall be our day

No matter for what others fight;

Shall our relation be true and tight

In this way, let’s pray our life comes to an end;

With your body and mine bend

And will see each others body with wrinkle

                                                        Into the night with moonlight when stars above twinkle

                                         

<3 LOVE GIVES US A FAIRY TALE <3

In the middle of the sailing life, LOVE gives us a fairy tale. It’s amazing how a person, who was once a stranger, can suddenly mean a world to you: the world with whom you share your deepest secrets and rely on them. Having someone, whom we LOVE around makes our life beautiful. And indeed, it makes us feel alive and special when that person treats us in a loving way. We do sacrifice everything just for the person we LOVE. LOVE is not a course to start and finish within a few years: it is a lifetime course. But then it doesn’t last long. It is so easy for a person to change his mind and then put an end to the relation abruptly without even a thought.

It hurts the most when the person you love the most seems carefree of your love and care. We can’t force any one to love us. But if someone loves us truly, they will never find any reason to leave us. Anyone can come into our life and say how much they love us and how much they care us. But it takes someone really special to stay committed in our life and prove how much they love us.

The toughest thing is to let go the person whom we love so much; whom we once thought we can’t live without. When the person whom we LOVE the most neglects us, we are forced to let him go. When we are together, we will never realize how important each one could be to the other. When someone leaves our life and when you miss the LOVE & AFFECTION of that person, then only you will realize the importance of being together. But it would be too late. Therefore, when we are neglected by our loved ones, we should take it as a sign that tests our loyalty, commitment and love. We must get through endless questions of this test and take it to our understanding that it was only meant to be in the heart, not for a life time!

People who loves you truly and who can see how beautiful your heart is, will never leave you.

DEATHS AFTER DEATH!

It is very sad for me to recollect my moments of togetherness with my Dad. I vividly remember of our happy life with him guiding and caring us, his son and daughters, all the time. To the world he was a simple man who stood the test of time, but to us, he was our world: a world without which living beings would find no life.

People say life is like a novel, full of suspense: you don’t know what’s going to happen unless you flip to the next page. This is indeed an inescapable truth. My ‘happy life’ became a chapter of sheer suspense in the novel of ‘our life’ when my Dad fell ill.

I remember vaguely seeing him for the last time on his sick bed. I was eight years old then with my brother ten and sister four. All of us were too young to realize that sickness was one of the signs of death’s arrival. We never thought our Dad would desert us as he loved us more than his own. He suffered from cancer; the disease which I later came to know was incurable. Before we could grow tall to fetch him a cup of water in his death bed, he left us alone in the world. The ‘merciless’ death took him, our world, too early.

It was in the year 1992 when my Mom was 28. His death brought a great blow to our lives. It affected our family so much. My Mom had to run from early morning till late evening hunting for the square meals for us. Everything shattered: the heaven burst away and hell faced us. In the darkness, we lost our path and in fact the zest to walk.

We were trying to overcome the atrocities of death of our beloved father when my mother-in-law (Dad’s sister) gave us another ‘death’. Deaths after death! She, who was once amiable turned hostile and demanded my father’s property. Even before my Mom could finish my Dad’s funeral, she snatched my Dad’s briefcase that had some amount of money and demanded more. When we refused to hand over the other properties, she returned with her men bringing sickles and crowbars to uproot our home built by my father. She humiliated us and treated us worst than animals. My Mom did not have anyone to lean on and get supported. As a kid we were so innocent. The only thing we could do was to watch our Mom running hastily around in tears suffering in the cruel hands of so-called ‘blood relatives’.

The case did not end with that humiliation. She took us to the court soon after. My innocent Mom had to battle the case alone for several months. It was finally decided that an arbitrator divided the property between my Mom and my mother-in-law. The arbitrator however was bribed by my mother-in-law and blatantly he divided the property (unequally) favoring her. The scooter which my mother asked the arbitrator to offer to one of the holy places was taken by him. We could do nothing. My fatigued mother was so weak to breathe all these issues again.

When the head of your family dies, there are many in the society who aspires to be your head. Without someone to lead the family it is utterly difficult to defend the daily familial functions. You would be living but just for the sake of living.

After my Dad’s death, I grew like a stunted tree by the road side. I saw my friends with their Dad and wished for one. But I had none. I often had to reconcile and rekindle my ‘belief’ that he has gone forever and never will he come back even if I missed him for billion times. Today I am decked with so many questions that are answerless. Every time I try to hide them, my sadness of missing my Dad overpowers me. I wish he was still around. I am missing the most wonderful relation in this world. No pain can ever be stronger than the pain of missing one’s beloved. Even though we do not see each other, he remains in my heart forever. And he will live in my memory for the times to come.

‘I miss you and love you Daddy. You will forever be homed in my warm heart!’